To My Sisters by Courtney Daniella Boateng

Author:Courtney Daniella Boateng [Courtney Daniella Boateng and Renée Kapuku]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Pan Macmillan
Published: 2023-02-02T17:00:00+00:00

VULNERABILITY AND THE FRIENDSHIP PROFILES

We can all battle with shame but some of us have a better relationship with being vulnerable. Here are some of the ways the different friendship profiles often relate to vulnerability. It is worth returning to these, not only for you to reflect on your own friendship profile and how vulnerability may work for you, but to help your interactions with the women in your life.

The ‘open’ friend

The open friend does not fear being abandoned by those they’re in relationships with, thus they find it easier to be vulnerable and transparent as they are secure in their attachments, meaning they are confident that the people in their life will stick around after they see their shortcomings. They demonstrate this too in their response to the vulnerability of others, as they are forgiving of failure, aware that people are flawed and fallible but still hopeful that they can change.

The ‘demanding’ friend

The demanding friend can be self-centred in their approach to vulnerability. They can often be emotionally overexposed and lack discernment when deciding who to let cross their boundaries and see or influence them in their most sensitive times. Despite being aware and patient with their own shortcomings, they can be unforgiving of other people’s, often holding them to a higher standard.

The ‘reserved’ friend

The reserved friend will present the best of themselves in fear their vulnerability could push people away. They do not believe that everyone can handle seeing their true depth and so would rather explore it alone. They may fluctuate between pushing people away and allowing them to get close depending on their own feelings about their issues. Their inconsistent behaviour may make them seem untrustworthy at times.

The ‘strong’ friend

They can easily fall into the trap of being judgemental and often struggle to be vulnerable because they are dealing with perfectionism. They can also feel immense feelings of shame and guilt and may put in more effort to hide these things or make sure their perceived ‘imperfections’ go under the radar. But they will often be the one present and chosen by their friends as support in their times of vulnerability, as they work hard to prove themselves to be trustworthy.

The ‘closed’ friend

They will rarely if ever allow themselves to be vulnerable for fear of letting people get too close. Because they avoid and dismiss intimacy, they will not reveal their vulnerability easily, even if the people around them have proven themselves trustworthy. Whilst they themselves may be trustworthy, they rarely put in the effort to be present as other people attempt to be vulnerable with them.

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